I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
