Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
