Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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