New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
