We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize