plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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