so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
