i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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