I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
