dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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