K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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