I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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