Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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