I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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