Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
