i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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