Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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