I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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