i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
