My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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