omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
