....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
