We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
