I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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