he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
