Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
