it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
