also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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