this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
