I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
