am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
