i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
