so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
