I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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