Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
