Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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