You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
