took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's a Shit stain on my heart
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
