Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
