i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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