u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
