I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
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There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
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Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize