I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
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And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
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Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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