I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
