another moral hangover. fuck.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
