Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
