ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Someone signed my nipple.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
