I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Found the puke drawer
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
