...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
