You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down