I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay