paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
foreskin is a definite game changer
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.