Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
