Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
