Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
