I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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