Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
