i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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