he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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