mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
