Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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