somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
