It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
