Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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