absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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