I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
