Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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