I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
